single parenthood, a guest post

I can't quite remember when I came across her, or she came across my blog, but I've been reading her blog for a really, really long time. (I never comment, though, because I suck. Sorry, Leah) She's a single mom, writing at Lovely Life of Leah, and is sharing her story with us, from her perspective. Thanks Leah!!
~Jess

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There are lots of single moms in the world.

Some by choice and some by chance. I would never suggest to anyone to to get divorced. It is not an ideal situation by any means. But what I am going to tell you about, is how it feels to be me. A single mom, who finally feels free.

 As a young girl I always knew I’d get married and have kids. Even on my wedding day when I was twenty four, I never thought I’d be a single mom by the age of thirty.

So how did I get where I am today? A thirty two year old divorced mom with a six year old. How is this my life? And why am I so happy now? My life truly is more wonderful than it ever has been and full of fun adventures and excitement.

Although I try not to, I know I tend to judge people. As a single mom, many people comment that I don't fit the mold. I’m so happy, I have so much fun.  So many people’s impressions are that single moms are supposed to be broke, struggling, or be some sort of victim. But for me, none of that is true. Many of us grew up with divorced parents. I did. However, the life my son and I have is much different than how I grew up.

 So why am I a single mom anyway? 

What it came down to was my son's dad wasn't the husband I needed him to be, and I wasn't the wife he thought I should be. Together we were miserable. No one spoke. No one ate meals together. It was not a healthy or happy setting to raise our son and we both knew this.

And then there I was, right before Christmas two years ago with a four year old. However, my story takes a turn for the better.

My son and I, 2010

During the fall of 2010, the freedom that I experienced once I was separated was something that is hard to put into words. I completely found myself and it took me being alone to get there. I made no excuses for the type of person I wanted to be, and was able to focus all my time on me being happy. This in turn made me a better mom. A fun mom. And a happy person all around. I have the most happy, care-free and well behaved little boy ever. Not me bragging, it's real. And I know he learned that from having having two parents who are happy. It just happens we're happy separately.

My son and I have the most fun ever. We do things on our own schedule and don't have to worry about anyone else. Want fro-yo before dinner? Ok!

My son and I spend A LOT of time together. The bond we have is truly special and unique. My son gets my undivided attention and I get his.  All this interaction between us helps him feel more confident, improved his verbal skills, and also made him more social.

I'm not a 'Mommy Blogger.'  I frequently post about my child and fun stuff we do together, but I'd rather talk about the stuff I'm doing or am into wayyyyy more. Plus, I think that's what people enjoy reading and can relate to.

 Being a single mom is what has allowed me to better care for myself. My son goes to his dad's house usually one night a week. This is because his dad works a busy schedule. It is just enough time for me to get caught up on reality shows, run errands, and regroup.

I think every mom should get one night a week totally free, with their entire family out of the house. It is a shame it took me being divorced to get that time, but I cherish every moment. And miss my six year old like crazy.

 Another wonderful opportunity I've had being a single mom, aside from the 'me time' is the opportunity to have my family take a bigger role in the care of my child. Because I have reclaimed my sense of self, I started wanting to get out there, date, and do things that I enjoyed. And my family loves the chance to keep my son. Through me getting 'out there' again, I was able to have the chance to reunite with friends from high school. To go out, and to have fun.  I even started dating one of these friends from high school. My family recognized that it was beneficial for me to have a chance to explore a new relationship, without being in 24/7 'mommy mode.' Through their generosity in keeping my son over a few long weekends, my boyfriend and I have traveled and gotten to take trips to places I had only dreamed of.

Through being divorced, I realized that I am pretty awesome. I dress bright and colorful and am an all around fun person to be with.

These are things I kind of kept to a minimum when I was married. Not sure why, I just wasn't comfortable being myself. I now have a boyfriend who appreciates me, adores my son, and encourages us to keep having fun and being ourselves no matter where we are.

 All divorced parents have different stories. This is mine. I hope you find happiness in your life, feel empowered, encouraged, and that you can be yourself. You deserve happiness, your family deserves happiness. And just like the old southern saying goes (I am from North Carolina after all), "If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy."

I finally feel confident in saying that as a single mom, I am happy. Something I never planned on or thought I would be.

My son and I, November, 2012