My husband says 'excuses are like assholes, everybody's got one.' You can't really argue that logic.
So at 3 am this morning after my 16 month old decided to grace my ears with a few screams, I was thinking about excuses. I was actually thinking about using her as an excuse to not get up and run (but I didn't). Come on, you've done it. You don't feel like going somewhere so you make up a horrible case of diaper rash (obvi cause if you accidentally run into the person you are lying to you don't have to prove that one), or blame someone for getting up in the middle of the night, or you just say 'Emme is off today. Don't know what it is, teeth, maybe she's getting sick, not sure. We're going to just hang at home.'
Basically you bail on a committment. And use your kid as an excuse. I'm not saying it's wrong. Cause I've done it. Plenty. I'm just saying, use it sparingly.
See. I have this one friend. Well, we were friends. But then she started bailing on everything with little excuses about her daughter. No sleep. A runny nose. Puberty. Whatever. Now I recognize that maybe she's decided that she doesn't like me (or anyone really cause she's for real MIA), which is cool too. But really what I think is happening is she can't follow through on a committment and she's kind of lost some friends because of it. Out of sight out of mind.
Here's the thing mamas. No one is going to judge you if you are honest. Look. No one slept last night, I feel and look like I got run over by a GD Mack truck and my house looks like several squatters spent the night. I'm cool with that. Cause I get that. Or if you're hungover. Or if you just don't freaking feel like it. We all have our ebbs and flows. Our ups and downs. I don't blame you for one single second. And I appreciate the honesty more than a 'oh the baby woke up fussy'. Cause I woke up fussy too. And. You need friends. Friends who are moms. Friends to lean on, laugh with, make you feel like your kid is normal.
So. What is my point? Every once in a while you should power through. Throw your greasy mop up in a pony, throw on some yoga pants and a T, some blush and mascara, run through Starbucks and spend some time with other moms (who you like). It's that important.
And when the yoga pants are dirty along with everything else and there's no room for a splurge on some Starbucks. Use your kid as an excuse. Cause every once in a while they're more than a tax write off.
*disclaimer. obviously I am kidding about the tax write off comment so don't go all 'you're a horrible mom' on me.
**I also know that people go through rough patches and I am not writing off my friend. Maybe she needs a friend now more than ever. So I am reaching out. And making an example of her at the same time. K? K.
Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I hear my husbands voice in the back of my head when I don't want to do something that will take all of 2.5 seconds "don't be lazy"....meaning if I miss the trash can I could very well leave that tissue laying there because the baby was fussing and needed me...or I can take 1 second to lean over and pick it up. Doesn't work all the time, but it does help to sometimes pull yourself out of a funk:-)
ReplyDeleteI am guilty of that far too often. But I know i need to get better. Having kiddos is hard. And exhausting. And the last thing you want to do is pull yourself together at times. Sometimes the little bits of selfishness you can get in is your only saving grace. true story.
ReplyDeleteThis is great.
ReplyDeleteWe're totally guilty of that, but usually just when people want us to spend money on stuff we don't want to (ie. Starbucks example). I'm also more of a homebody, and it's just easier to hang out at home and bail on plans than it is to get me, baby, diaper bag, etc ready and out the door.
Thankfully, I've gotten better about it and have a great group of girlfriends as a result.
This is all so true! I powered through it the other night, because I was becoming the queen bitch of excuses! Once, I got out of my sweats..ok pajama pants and got in the car, I felt like a new woman. It's that first step that's the hardest!
ReplyDeleteI would like to throw in my excuse. I am a first time mother and was blessed enough to have twins. Twins who had digestion problems early on. They are 9 months today and we have come a long way from the early days of screaming for 3 hours straight because they had gas and small intestinal tracks. I am only able to nurse one of my girls (and now just at night) and she co-sleeps with us...and I like it that way. (the co-sleeping not the only one baby able to nurse) I am only going to have a few more months of this and then it's over, and I'll never get it back. She goes to sleep around 7:30 and wakes up for her first feeding around 10:30. I do not want to go out at night and miss that. My poor husband can't do that for her I am her mother, this is my time with her. So when my single baby mother friends want to go out and have a drink or dance or other late night stuff...I don't want to. maybe in a few more months, but not now. I am willing to do almost anything during the day, or weekend or anytime before bed time, but that isn't good enough. I am tired of being told that I am not a good friend because I don't go out at night to have girl time. I do have girl time it's just now with different girls. And furthermore... when you have to get ready and get two babies ready and into car seats and into the van...because now you have to drive a cool mom-mobile, and time it between their every 3 hour feedings, and pack a diaper bag for 2 and figure out how long you'll be out do you need more food or bottles and who can help feed them if they do need to eat...it's a process. Sometimes it's more than some of us would like to do, so bring over the starbucks, I'll try to have something interesting to talk about. Thanks for letting me rant.
ReplyDelete